Happiness is something already existent within you... Remember this - NO OTHER PERSON, THING OR ACHIEVEMENT CAN EVER GIVE YOU HAPPINESS, IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY FROM WITHIN... Happiness is an INSIDE JOB... INSIDE OF YOU... It is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present...I accept that I’ve spent the better part of my life chasing after happiness. It always seemed like happiness stayed just a wee bit out of my grasp—somewhere in the future I consoled myself... When we are very young we are intrinsically happy... Go look at a child play... He or she laughs / talks to himself and is generally happy... The problem starts when we link our happiness state with something or someone... If you begin to believe that you would be happy if you got good marks, admission into a great college, the love of a beautiful person or a great job, that actually would be the last time you would be genuinely happy... On and on these expectations will grow....Every time you reach a goal you aspired for it would seem like the next goal was where true happiness will engulf you..Sadly, this sort of linking achievements with your happiness quotient will affect your personal life as well. I thought, “When I find a great girl, I’ll be truly happy. Wait, to be truly happy, we need to first find an appropriate girl to get married...After getting married while we may feel that married life is great but we still need to have kids to find real joy....Thereafter, we link it to our baby needing to grow up a little so we can really enjoy being with her…” And so on... Never ending !!!! For years, I chased after happiness on this path, not realizing what a futile chase it was...And then, abruptly some catastrophic event jolts you out of your dreams....The futility of chasing after happiness must be realised... I do believe that goals and dreams are important and we should strive to achieve them... But see them more as mile markers in life’s journey, not having much to do with happiness, for you should ALWAYS BE HAPPY... Happiness, it turns out, is something already within us.... We just need to clear up our own clutter to find it...I have tried to write down what I learned on this amazing journey of slowly letting go of some of that clutter in my life... It’s still a work-in-progress, but I hope my experiences will help to make your journey easier....
1. Remember YOU ARE ALWAYS HAPPY... If you go through phases where you feel unloved or unhappy, please create YOUR OWN HAPPINESS TIME... This is the time when you will ONLY do those things that makes you deliriously happy from within.... Could be anything from reading, blogging, writing, painting, bird watching (yes two legged birds including)..... The only thing that matters is that this time nourishes you..
2. Control your thinking and your own attitude... Remember that the only thing we can truly control is our own attitude and reactions. Once we accept that, we can find happiness right where we are, irrespective of how things turn out, the transformation for me began...
3. Avoid becoming a clone of another person or pleasing everyone... Every time we pretend to be someone, it takes away from us our true selves, and from our place of happiness. It was hard at first to stop trying to please others. Eventually I realized how liberating it was to dare to be myself!
4. Let go of the sense of entitlement.... I often found myself asking “Why me?" when things didn't happen as planned... Did you ever ask this question when things went as you wanted it to ?... It was hard to replace that with “Why not?” After all, everyone gets their share of joys and sorrows; why should I somehow be above it and deserve only the joys?
5. Been hurt by someome you trusted.... All this does happens in real life, doesn't it... Unless we walk in the shoes of the other, we really don’t know the reason for their behavior. Carrying resentment or anger against others is akin to drinking acid and hoping that the acid will burn the insides of the other person... It will only hurt YOU and delays any repair. I cannot tell you how amazing it’s been to let go of some of the resentment I didn’t even know I’d been carrying for years!
6. Are you guilty of doing something wrong or hurting someone ... On the flip side, if we are the ones who made a mistake, it is time to forgive ourselves and make amends. “I’m sorry. How can I fix it?” can go a long way in starting the healing process.
7. Let go of pride.... Neither apology nor forgiveness is possible without letting go of one's ego or pride. Nor is there room for authentic connection where pride resides. Let it go.
8. If I had simply saved a few rupees in my piggy bank for every opportunity I squandered in my quest for perfection, I’d actually be a rich man ! Realize that no one can be perfect all the time. That’s what makes us humans. We are quirky. We have flaws. We are beautiful just the way we are.
9. Let go of negativity.... In any given situation we have a choice — look at what’s good and be grateful, or look at what’s wrong and complain. Deliberately adopting the attitude of gratitude literally changed the course of my life.
10. Let go of draining, unhealthy relationships.... We are the average of the people we hang out with, and if they are frequently negative, it becomes hard for us to maintain an attitude of gratitude. It’s been a tough call to distance myself from people in my life who were bringing me down, with their negative energy, but it was necessary to move on.
11. Somewhere along the way, many of us may think into the notion that the busier we are and the more we achieve, the happier we will be. After crossing the half century mark, I’ve come to realize that busyness does not equal happiness.
12. Let go of the attachment to property, achievements and money... This may sound impractical... All these especially money is definitely good to have, but once our basic needs and savings goals are met, it’s time to evaluate the tradeoff of earning more and more.... Letting go of the need for more properties, material requirements and money just for the sake of it has been a very hard but fulfilling experience for me.
13. Let go of the fear of failure.... Everybody who tries anything worthwhile fails at some point or the other. Failure does not mean we are broken. It simply means we are courageous to dare! Easier said than done, but I’m trying.
14. Let go of the fear of abandonment.... Fundamentally, as human beings we all crave for connection. But when fear of abandonment starts to rule our lives we make very irrational choices. I try to trust that what is meant to be will happen. And no matter how things turn out, we’ll come out of it okay.... Stop comparisons and you will be fine...
15. Let go of expectations.... In the end, the core of all my issues was that I expected things to be a certain way. I expected what a good spouse or a friend ought to act like. I expected my daughter to behave a certain way. I expected how situations should turn out. Heck, I even had fixed expectations of what happiness was! Letting go of expectations has helped everything else start to fall in place... Now let go of deadlines of yesterday and tomorrow.... how can we find true happiness if we are saddled down by the baggage of the past or fear of the future? Once I learned to let go of some of the above, I started to focus deliberately on today and now. Suddenly, music and beauty emerged from what was previously mundane. Is there a better way to find true happiness?... Letting go of something that is ingrained in our minds for years is real tough and hard. In my experience, even when I do manage to let go of something some of the time, at other times, it comes right back. In the end, it’s the journey that matters, right?... REMEMBER NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE... So, what will you let go of today?
1. Remember YOU ARE ALWAYS HAPPY... If you go through phases where you feel unloved or unhappy, please create YOUR OWN HAPPINESS TIME... This is the time when you will ONLY do those things that makes you deliriously happy from within.... Could be anything from reading, blogging, writing, painting, bird watching (yes two legged birds including)..... The only thing that matters is that this time nourishes you..
2. Control your thinking and your own attitude... Remember that the only thing we can truly control is our own attitude and reactions. Once we accept that, we can find happiness right where we are, irrespective of how things turn out, the transformation for me began...
3. Avoid becoming a clone of another person or pleasing everyone... Every time we pretend to be someone, it takes away from us our true selves, and from our place of happiness. It was hard at first to stop trying to please others. Eventually I realized how liberating it was to dare to be myself!
4. Let go of the sense of entitlement.... I often found myself asking “Why me?" when things didn't happen as planned... Did you ever ask this question when things went as you wanted it to ?... It was hard to replace that with “Why not?” After all, everyone gets their share of joys and sorrows; why should I somehow be above it and deserve only the joys?
5. Been hurt by someome you trusted.... All this does happens in real life, doesn't it... Unless we walk in the shoes of the other, we really don’t know the reason for their behavior. Carrying resentment or anger against others is akin to drinking acid and hoping that the acid will burn the insides of the other person... It will only hurt YOU and delays any repair. I cannot tell you how amazing it’s been to let go of some of the resentment I didn’t even know I’d been carrying for years!
6. Are you guilty of doing something wrong or hurting someone ... On the flip side, if we are the ones who made a mistake, it is time to forgive ourselves and make amends. “I’m sorry. How can I fix it?” can go a long way in starting the healing process.
7. Let go of pride.... Neither apology nor forgiveness is possible without letting go of one's ego or pride. Nor is there room for authentic connection where pride resides. Let it go.
8. If I had simply saved a few rupees in my piggy bank for every opportunity I squandered in my quest for perfection, I’d actually be a rich man ! Realize that no one can be perfect all the time. That’s what makes us humans. We are quirky. We have flaws. We are beautiful just the way we are.
9. Let go of negativity.... In any given situation we have a choice — look at what’s good and be grateful, or look at what’s wrong and complain. Deliberately adopting the attitude of gratitude literally changed the course of my life.
10. Let go of draining, unhealthy relationships.... We are the average of the people we hang out with, and if they are frequently negative, it becomes hard for us to maintain an attitude of gratitude. It’s been a tough call to distance myself from people in my life who were bringing me down, with their negative energy, but it was necessary to move on.
11. Somewhere along the way, many of us may think into the notion that the busier we are and the more we achieve, the happier we will be. After crossing the half century mark, I’ve come to realize that busyness does not equal happiness.
12. Let go of the attachment to property, achievements and money... This may sound impractical... All these especially money is definitely good to have, but once our basic needs and savings goals are met, it’s time to evaluate the tradeoff of earning more and more.... Letting go of the need for more properties, material requirements and money just for the sake of it has been a very hard but fulfilling experience for me.
13. Let go of the fear of failure.... Everybody who tries anything worthwhile fails at some point or the other. Failure does not mean we are broken. It simply means we are courageous to dare! Easier said than done, but I’m trying.
14. Let go of the fear of abandonment.... Fundamentally, as human beings we all crave for connection. But when fear of abandonment starts to rule our lives we make very irrational choices. I try to trust that what is meant to be will happen. And no matter how things turn out, we’ll come out of it okay.... Stop comparisons and you will be fine...
15. Let go of expectations.... In the end, the core of all my issues was that I expected things to be a certain way. I expected what a good spouse or a friend ought to act like. I expected my daughter to behave a certain way. I expected how situations should turn out. Heck, I even had fixed expectations of what happiness was! Letting go of expectations has helped everything else start to fall in place... Now let go of deadlines of yesterday and tomorrow.... how can we find true happiness if we are saddled down by the baggage of the past or fear of the future? Once I learned to let go of some of the above, I started to focus deliberately on today and now. Suddenly, music and beauty emerged from what was previously mundane. Is there a better way to find true happiness?... Letting go of something that is ingrained in our minds for years is real tough and hard. In my experience, even when I do manage to let go of something some of the time, at other times, it comes right back. In the end, it’s the journey that matters, right?... REMEMBER NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE... So, what will you let go of today?
No comments:
Post a Comment